SXSW REPORT... from Mendoza, Argentina

I may not be at South by Southwest right now, but I can write about it anyway! Isn't that what being an opinionated loudmouth is all about?
From the looks of the line-up, the festival is once again offering to the public both some of the best music the underground has to offer and some of the worst crap that agents and publicists can try to repackage for the "streets" (Jamie Cullum?!!).
One surprise is the wide assortment of hip hop both ig'nint and not as well as DJ features. I'm pretty sure that this brand of music was completely overlooked before this, certainly the "chopped´n´screwed" variety native to the festival´s home state of Texas was. But this year Houston rap is suddenly "art" and featured prominently. Who could have predicted that?
So, for those of us who are on different continents, or who are just indifferent (who wants want to wade through the mobs of drunken self-important indie rockers anyway?), there is the SXSW website, where quite a few of the more unknown artists have posted up Mp3z of their music. I'll save you the trouble of sloging through the hundreds of bands listed and re-up some of my picks of worthwhile listens. Click on the link to see a brief bio and option to stream or download.

A Hawk and a Hacksaw
Apathy
Atmosphere (some of these are total no-brainers)
Awol One (another case in point)
Baroness (!!)(Are literally going to blow some hipsters asses out.. much worse than those Texas wet burritos)
busdriver (do I really only like rap?)
Brian Jonestown Massacre (I know this isn't NME, but... it's a good song.)
Caural (only because he's Etta's boy)
Cephalic Carnage
Deadboy and the Elephantmen
Dengue Fever (60's Khmer Style, Mothrafuckas!)
FACEDOWNINSHIT...wait, yes you read that right...FACEDOWNINSHIT. (Had to write it twice for all you haters who couldn't believe your eyes. Listen to the song. Dudes need a major label contract. Relapse can't contain them)
Gerbils
The Gossip
Jean Grae
Holy Fuck
(Danny Black's) Healthy White Baby (just cause they are Genevieve's boys).
Helmet (fucking Helmet?)
Ross Hogg (Hollerboard represent)
Jedi Mind Tricks
Lady Sovereign
ladytron
Lucero (just becuase they cover "Kiss the Bottle" by Jawbreaker)
Magnolia Electric Company (maybe Vice was right in describing it as "at best a passable imitation of 'Harvest Moon' era Crazy Horse", but this is the guy who wrote "Farewell Transmition", so I got to think that great things can come out of him)
Municipal Waste
The Plimsouls (The PLIMSOULS?!)
Spankrock
Stinking Lizaveta (ok... now I do want to be there.)
Tarantula A.D.
TTC(pour les filles, TTC, connard!!)
Visionaries (2MEX)
Weedeater
XIU XIU (I don't like this stuff, but.. make up your own mind)
Zombi (fucking rule!)

Remember, this is only the artists that presented Mp3s- some of the best acts at SXSW did not like--
Tilly and the Wall and Jason Forrest (who are playing the same show!), Kid 606 and friends, 2MEX, Ramblin´Jack Elliot, Roky Erikson (?? isn't he dead?), Spoon, Immortal Technique, Sharon Jones and the Dap Kings, Jucifer, k-os, Nebula, Devin the Dude, DMBQ (still playing after the death of their drummer Chino?), Drop the Lime, Drunk Horse, Eagles of Death Metal, Echo and the Bunnymen, Grand Buffet, Hellacopters, The Go Team, Black Heart Procession, Blockhead, Circle, Cut Chemist, etc.

So what did all this sifting teach me? Well, it taught me that I have something against singer-songwriters, especially those that have their name in the title like "The James Lohannan Project". This immediately tells me that this will be earnest old-sad-bastard music that you might hear on your radio alarm clock first thing in the morning on NPR and might make you not want to get out of bed, but rather stay home and kill yourself.
And sorry, but I also hold a grudge against the nondescript American (or British) ROCK band who just plays "rock and roll", like "three chords and a dream" and tours around and drinks beer and sounds like the Beatles or the Kinks (but not as good). And has a stupid name. Its like "hey, man the name doesn't matter, it's all about just playin' like you mean it". The only problem is that you are boring and sound like everything else. And your name puts a stinky cloud over your whole aura. In fact, there were so many bad band names on the this list I feel I must elaborate.
Did they really run out of ideas for band names? I thought it was bad in the alternative rock era with atrocities like "Deep Blue Something" and "Sponge", but things have gotten worse. Emo, bad poetry, and new-wavey Art School leanings have brought out the worst in rock nomenclature. So here we go.

WHITE ANIMAL'S TOP 23 WORST BAND NAMES AT SXSW

23. Dashboard Confessional
22. Coach Said Not To(If he "Said Not To" name your band that, he was a pretty right-on dude. Maybe if you had listened to him, you wouldn't have gotten kicked off the team, and had to learn to play bass.)
21. Red Jumpsuit Apparatus (no ideas, guys?)
20. A Cursive Memory
19. Dot kom (rappers are not excluded)
18. Man Man (in fact, most bands from Philly have awful names)
17. The End of Fashion
16. The Foxymorons (they're probably nice guys, but...)
15. The Glass Family (I love JD Saliger, too but.. how precious can you get?)
14. GoGoGo Airheart
13. Kris Kristofferson (just kidding! seriously, Kris, dont hurt me)
12. The Guggenheim Grotto
11. Hurts to Purr (I mean, thats sad and all, but it doesn't make me want to listen. Do you forever want to be known as the band who's name translates to "My Pussy Hurts"?)
10. The Jai-Alai Savant
9. The King Of France (HA! There is no king of France. You Idiots! They have a prime minister or a dictator or something.)
8. They Shoot Horses Don't They (no, that was a crappy 70s movie... does this have something to do with Kristofferson?)
7. Leather Uppers (if they really were gay, they'd be called Leather Poppers, but they're not. They´re wannagays)
6. Sistas in the Pit (Im pretty sure theyre not joking)
5. The Number Twelve Looks Like You (are from Kearney, NJ. They should stay there)
4. Quien es, Boom! (only people who´ve never been to France would fetishise their lanuage)
3. The Boy Least Likely To
2. Sailboats Are White (Dude are you shitting me?)
1. Swollen Members (I just hate them anyway.. maybe i am biased)

There is a another trend I've noticed in this list. Bands seem to have come around to the fact that IRON MAIDEN and BLACK SABBATH were kind of the end-all be-all of naming your band. So, we have a slew of dagger-sharp, skull-scary band names which can't possibly really describe the bands which they grace. So we have:

WHITE ANIMAL's TOP 10 TOUGH BAND NAMES (which the band couldn't be be tough enough to enhabit)
10. Metal Hearts
9. The Sword
8. Bible of the Devil
7. Black Furies
6. Crystal Skulls
5. The Deaths
4. Die! Die! Die!
3. Midnite Snake
2. Skullening
1. Bad Wizard

OK, and now you're wondering, what are WHITE ANIMAL's top picks for BEST band names at SXSW? Why don't you get a life? Why don't I?

WHITE ANIMAL's TOP 5 BAND NAMES(of bands I've never heard of)

5. Sasquatch
4. Genghis Tron
3. Genitallica
2 Tight Phantomz
1. Goblin Cock